|
 Under
new laws declared by the Bush Administration,
Big Pharma will begin funding public education,
but schoolchildren will now be required to
recite an UPDATED Pledge of Allegiance.
For those who may have forgotten, here's the ORIGINAL Pledge:
I pledge allegiance to the flag
of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One nation
Under God
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.
The NEW Pledge of Allegiance, authored by drug company
researchers, shall be recited as follows:
THE NEW PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO OUR MEDICATION NATION
I pledge allegiance to the drugs
of the
United
States of America
And to the pharmaceutical
My doctor demands
One
medication
Under FDA
Uninsured
With Viagra and
Prozac
for all.
A spokesperson for ConPfuzer, a leading drug company, explained
the reason for the changes: "Children need
Prozac. All we're doing is reminding them to
take their medically-justified medications each
morning as they begin their schoolday. It's a
genuine public service!"
Big Pharma's hope, said the spokesperson, is to, "Boost mental
focus, improve grades, and provide funding to
enhance our nation's schools. We care about
children. After all, they're our future
customers."
Children who refuse to cite the new, nationally-recognized
Pledge will be tested for mental disorders by
drug-toting psychiatrists who are standing by,
waiting for something to happen that gives their
meaningless lives some purpose.
"Many mentally disturbed children are not receiving treatment,"
grinned one psychiatrist, frantically thumbing
through the DSM-IV manual. "It is our
responsibility to treat them all. You're not
against helping children, are you?"
A Bush Administration spokesperson, also present at the
announcement, said, "Since Bin Laden is
attacking, we should drug all the children.
You're not a terrorist, are you?"
The new Pledge of Allegiance, we've also learned, has been
copyrighted by ConPfuzer, which will charge
schoolchildren their lunch money as a
royalty payment for reciting the Pledge each
day. "We must teach schoolchildren to respect
intellectual property at an early age," said a
ConPfuzer statement. "Otherwise, they might grow
up and commit more serious crimes like sharing
music."
It's too late to actually stop the new Pledge from becoming
law. President Bush, citing anti-terrorism
powers, explained, "Laws are whatever I say they
are." Although, interestingly, he could not
spell "allegiance" during the signing of the law
(although he had no problem with "of").
Here's some REAL information about the Pledge of Allegiance:
The history of the Pledge:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance
Keep the Pledge effort (with a conservative angle):
http://www.keepthepledge.com |
